It’s a bright yellow cardigan with embroidered white polkadots. It buttons up and has long sleeves.
It’s my favorite because it’s sunny and bright. It’s both loud and soft at the same time. It makes me smile.
I like to think it is a lot like me.
About a year ago, I washed my favorite sweater with a handful of other colorful clothes… nothing out of the ordinary. Only, when I pulled the load from the dryer, my heart sank as I found a piece of clothing with green crayon smeared across it. Then I found another. And another.
Please don’t let my favorite sweater have green crayon on it, I thought.
I was sad and frustrated when I found it.
I tried to be reasonable: it’s just a silly piece of fabric, something I won’t like anymore a year from now. Something I’ll look back on and think… how could I ever get mad about that? But I couldn’t help but be mad.
When you become a mommy, there are lots of things you willingly sacrifice:
The (somewhat) flat belly is traded for one etched with stretch marks, for instance, and peaceful, sleep-filled nights in a spacious bed are replaced by kicks to the ribs and trips to the potty at 3 a.m. Your meals are no longer your meals, long baths are traded for quick showers, and you get up at 5 a.m. just to get some "me" time. Even going to the bathroom becomes a multi-person adventure!
Maybe it’s silly; maybe it borders on ridiculous. But that sweater was something that was mine. Just mine.
It made me feel beautiful and confident. It made me happy in a stupid, superficial way. And now it’s covered in green crayon splotches.
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| See? After numerous unsuccessful washes... still green.
It’s not like I shared my frustration with my children. Of course, I did talk about putting crayons where they go instead of in our pockets. And I talked about making sure crayons don’t end up in the dirty clothes hamper. And I scolded myself for not doing a better job of checking for such nasty little sweater ruiners. But that was the extent of it.
Last night, while I was getting my clothes ready for today, I found my little yellow sweater tucked in the back of my closet.
It’s funny how a year can alter your perspective so dramatically.
As I pulled the sweater from my closet, I remembered the last time I wore it: to dinner with my girlfriends. We ate at On the Border and shared jalapeño fire poppers and margaritas. And before that, I wore it to dinner with my husband, my brother-in-law, and his girlfriend last Christmas. We spent entirely too much money on amazing steaks and wine and then saw the lights of downtown Cincinnati. Both are great memories I’ll hold onto forever.
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| And this was before margaritas! |
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| My sweater, here, seeing better days...
And, yes, so I found it in the laundry with green crayon on it. But now, instead of frustrated, that memory makes me laugh.
I have a story to share when I wear this sweater. Those splotches are conversation starters. There’s a great green spot on the back shoulder, which is clearly visible when I turn to write on the board in the classroom. I’m curious if my students will ever bring it up… what a lesson in observation!
So, now, a year later, I dressed in this sweater… and I proudly wore it and the green splotches to work today.
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Because it’s important that we not take life (or ourselves or our clothing or anything, really) too seriously.
And it's important that we hold onto memories and teach our kids what truly matters.
And, perhaps, it's most important that we realize a little crayon never hurt anyone.
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